Top Ten Most Ridiculous Wine Accessories

· A thing which can be added to something else in order to make it more useful, versatile, or attractive.   
We will let you decide whether or not these ten ridiculous accessories add use, versatility or attractiveness to wine… 
1. The Wine Condom
It is both ridiculous, saucy and fairly useful. A rare combination!
2. The carafe from hell (and from your bank manager's hell as it costs £3k!)
"Yup it looks lovely dear but you're going to be the one cleaning it...."
3. You don't eat with cutlery do you?
Worry that drinking from a wine glass is too posh but that Auntie Ethel might disapprove if you drink straight from the bottle at Sunday lunch? Worry no more.... 
4. I thought it tasted funny...
That’s the last time I decant and consume a bottle of a bottle of washing up liquid by mistake. Thanks wine chalkboard! 
5. Yes gran it does kind of look like....
As well as Quality Control I think Riedel need a Comedy Control department to stop products like this getting to market.
6. I swear it just moved...
I know some people from whom this wine is now completely safe.
7. "No need to worry I've performed this operation 100s of times, at least so I've been told."
Your eyelids feel like lead and the anaesthetic is coursing through your body. The last thing you want to see is a surgeon appearing next to you wearing wine themed scrubs.
8. "My wine is really unhappy I didn't buy it an iWatch"
You know you're getting old when your bottles of wine get more texts than you do.
9. I'm sure there is a more ridiculous product on the market but I've not found it.
Are your giant friends struggling to handle your puny human sized plates?
10. It's supposed to go round the wine bottle....
A personal favourite and not just for the product itself but the image they have used to advertise it. Just look at their expressions! Someone has walked out with, what we can only assume is the the 9th bottle of the night, wrapped in a sock with eyes. That's it. I can only assume that her husband, presumably the one taking the photo, is naked but for one of these wine/sock monkeys covering his modesty.

Written by: Simon Robins

Simon Robins is somewhat of a wine expert, not just in the liquid, but planning and analysis, logistics and operations management - having spent eight years working for the UK's largest wine mail order company. 


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